Theses are lost tracks of poems of the book of poetry that was almost finished in 2010.
Angry
Angry
when girls like guys who looked like me but never see me as an individual who
wanted to have fun
People
called me a bitch in front of my so called friends
Kinds
taunting you saying mother fucker to me
Boys
being taller than me give them ammunition to mess with me.
Can’t
find a girl who wanted to deal with me so I comforted myself with food
When I
was in the house that Clarissa or someone left me baby sat by a white family I
was taunted because I was black and wouldn’t amount to anything. That lead me
to say at age 7 “I hate white people!”
Teachers
thinking because I’m black I look like an ape
Having
to change how I look to impress people only made people ignore me
Having
visions of sizing up people who can hurt me the most
I kept
saying free instead of three, does that make a vampire who can’t roll his th’s
Picked
on my ears to spend the time since everyone in the classroom scared the crap
out of me…leave me alone I want to go home.
People
saying I was gay all because I didn’t want a girl chasing me in the classroom….really,
I’m here to learn not to get into a girl’s vagina, plenty of time in life to do
those things as burst of laughter erupts.
Try to
make nice to mothers from friends and still they don’t like me.
Having
to fight for myself since I didn’t have friends that would stand up for me
People
lying about what they said a few days earlier
Being
called retarded behind my back like I can’t hear you, I’m deaf to the world but
my ears here everything like an angry dog barking at everybody walking by
Having
so called friends spitting on my shirt from behind whistling like Bugs Bunny
when they know what wrong they did and had the nerve to point to someone else.
Drooling
at girls who like boys who are white trash or black who have gold teeth in their
mouths sagging their pants like 50 Cent.
Having a friend tell me to shape up and tell you there would be others
Gils
laughing at me because I tried to date a girl who try to take me fat side. When some other guy did that it’s no big deal
Smashed
windows because the friends I had no longer wanted to play with me because of
their father thought I was a bad influence
Because
by the time I wanted to be in a relationship, it was too late. Angry at the fact I was complaining in not
being on one and was stuck in my head regardless of what was said I was in one
and smashed chairs and tables
Would
have talked to that girl if only I wasn’t in that class and wasn’t too happy
about it. Losing concentration because
of sports and Asian girls led me to direct my anger the wrong way by smashing a
chair
Trying
to teach kids cooperation and losing my temper was the only way to keep them
quiet. Instead they were scared of me.
Being
called ugly and a monkey by my teachers in elementary and middle school and no
one understands what I feel around people everyday even though I’ve known them
a long time.
Felt
like I wanted someone to kill me and end my misery of losing April…don’t tell
me to get over it, anger will stay with me quietly.
Wanted
to fight people who tried to be my friend because of the red head was talking
down to me. Also another person did so,
feeling sad because of my skin drove Heather away from me.
Being
back sassed about procedures in the middle of rush hour led me to explode at
waterworks and the back of the train.
Then tried to run away from the park before the police can confirm that
the park was going to be fired…which they did.
Being
told to hurry up while trying to fulfill customers order in a timely fashion
and almost exploded then too. People wishing I was normal and didn’t make
mistakes…I made them and living with them, don’t need to be reminded of failures
always make me angry
Don’t
need to know about personal business as if your life is better…probably is but
I don’t need to see it or hear about it
Mistakes
small or large weights on my back for at least a week or more
Answer
a question with truth and not a lie…don’t hide from me by texting or a long
drawn out letter; speak your piece of the pie to my face.
Not going
to be used as a coat rack...you can beat me down but I won’t be treated like
one
Don’t
use me as your puppet so you can talk trash about me because you didn’t like me
anyway with so called girlfriends who wanted me…liar
Having
friends turned enemies because of gossip which was spread around.
Don’t
tell friends that I was needy…I wasn’t needy, scared of you, consequences of
sex with the wrong person. Don’t need
any grief. Still angry about that
Angry that “I’m worth nothing to a woman unless I were
tall like LeBron James or have blond Hair like Tom Brady and have these women
use me because real people are scared of me.
Angry
about people saying I’m to righteous, who else going to tell me what is right
or wrong when it comes to grown up business
People
saying men are dogs, assholes regardless of what color the person is makes me
angry
Dogs’
barking makes me rewind to civil rights’ films I watched a long time ago with
batons in hand ready to kill me because of my skin. I can walk around a neighborhood and have to
weary of not only white people but other people who think I’m the devil allows
people to unleash their dogs against me.
Makes me angry, scream, be in tears and tons of migraines.
Sick
of waking up with red eyes and ending the day the same way
Being
happy about the ideas of being with another person and not hope that person is
happy being with me for very long.
Still
hearing some voices that tell me someone is worth more than you. At least it’s better than hearing voices that
tell me to hurt or kill myself
If you
want to be my friend make an effort to call me.
If I figured that out years ago I wouldn’t be completely alone.
Holding
hands doesn’t anger me, but the women that I drool for holding guys hands and
always wondering if I could be someone else
Having
to meet women makes me really angry. I
wasn’t treated fairly. This is from
years of not treating other people fairly because skin color wasn’t
popular. I did deserve to get kicked out
at UC because if that girl from Cleves.
Spent years bouncing from one person to another and still fall short of
expectations
Angry
that people I’ve meet or known had the support system to grow up to become
family people with while my system wasn’t ever there or people grow apart.
Taints
about like white girls and was made fun of skin tones made me want to bring a
crowbar
Why
call me ugly, worry about your fucking self
I know
I’ll get my degree soon…until then I always have to wait my chance to grow up
while people close to you or from a far sometimes think in the back of their
minds wondering what is wrong with him.
My life is my life and I don’t like giving people too many details about
myself…that goes for job interviews too.
Complicated
I’m a
son, uncle, cousin, nephew, brother and a person living with mild Autism.
I
wonder sometimes why I see the world differently than most people…I really
doesn’t know. My demeanor with my family
is completely different compared to talking to people in public especially if I
don’t know the person or just met them.
I tend to be quiet and reserved.
I can be a very funny person and sometimes I can be too distant from
other people….where do I belong?
I’m
interesting and slightly weird. I have experience
in filing main in storage rooms, customer service, graphic design and computer
skills to boot. I have studied the
Cincinnati Metro Bus/Sorta system since I was four years old…as a distraction
when life gives me lemons instead of limes. I have been taking pictures of those buses by
cell phone for almost 3 years. Why would
I do such a thing? Metro have been
giving older buses with new wraps and decal as older buses are being retired….buses
is art on wheels as other people stare and think I’m creepy
My
favorite day of the week is Thursday because I can’t wait for the weekend…meanwhile
everyone else waits for Friday’s, too much noise and people around on the
get-away day.
I like going out to movies or eating out for
dinner is fine, but I tend to be talk more freely and confident when I’m
watching movies and eating dinner from home…helps me to be confident and not
worry about how others talk to their people.
I love fashion like Clinton Kelly, especially
when it comes to women wearing dresses that flattens their figure and sports
teams changing their logotype, logos and colors.
I’m
like the Dewey Decimal System, I’m beautiful in heart but complicated in the
mind.
Desperately seeking Lora
My skin says that I’m beautiful
My cheeks says I’m handsome
My eyes says I have style and flare for the dramatic
My hands says I’m good creating visual art
My legs says that I have tone as my feet says I had speed and
power to walk anywhere
My stomach tells me even though I’m chubby; I’m still hungry to
eat 1000 cows if I could
My hair says I’m a free spirit in the winds of a fall cloudy
cool day
My heart says I’m hopelessly seeking Lora in my skin
My skin doesn’t attract women who look like Lora. Still thirsty
to see if I can have someone like Lora like me the way Susan did before she cut
the zuccinini of love by half by moving away.
My brain recaps the memories of Susan leaving…Lora looks cute
enough to eat her out but she is just another woman who looks like Susan who
sees nothing good about me because I’m not skinny, having straight hair and
pale skin that Shakespeare could love if I were the evil Othello.
Lora leaves me in tears from my heart on the inside, daydreaming
of what I would be like to finally let go and finally have a woman who looks
and feels like Susan in my arms again
There are thousands of women who need love, but the women I like
don’t like my skin or the money I make and find someone who isn’t as smart as
me and use those guys to enter white privilege and having babies who look white
like Eminem leaving me only to seek my computer to look at a woman like Susan
to get my satisfaction.
I’ll end up alone because that is fate licking me like a postage
stamp returning to sender.
Different
You
think you know me…you have no Idea
Knowing
me is like having beware of dog signs on my face so my inner anger of DMX like
barking wouldn’t be heard throughout the streets when I’m upset
Seeing
how I take my pictures of buses has wish I had eyes in the back of my head
wondering why people are so frightened by me.
I’m
not an Ogre like Shrek; don’t shut me down before you know me
I’m a person who sees things in segments of a
photograph or an old cartoon like Felix the cat...sly sneaky through disguise
at what I do to show people I see the world through my eyes
When
I’m not on the microphone or seemingly tired after every show I take pictures
as people ask and stare what I’m doing because assume I’m Autistic and don’t
know anything around me... you can’t possibly understand that I’m different
I’m
not an Ogre like Shrek; don’t shut me down before you know me
In a
sly way I tell them I’m different but I’m not going to tell you everything
about me unless you’re family or a woman who isn’t afraid to love an Autistic
male like me. I have a trapped door like
snarl on my face like Eminem did when he did an old photo shoot when he came
back home on the Marshall Mathers LP in 2000, I feel the same way when people
think I’m creepy because I take pictures make me Autistic…so what I am, I’m not
taking pictures of young girls like Miranda Cosgrove in the bathroom stalls at
a Target store…stalking buses is like hitting a perfect note to a Mariah Carey
song, stalking women is not what I do does that make me different?
Might
mean different to the outside world but I’m no different than anyone even
though I am different.
I’m
not an Ogre like Shrek; don’t shut me down before you know me
If you
really want to know me…meet me and stop acting petrified because I wear
sunglasses. Why I wear them? To
withstand pains in my head due to 2 concussions I had in my past which limits
me from going to loud places such as parties or sirens piercing my limbs.
I’m a
person who don’t like too many people in my world like Shrek and grow to like
you later the more often my heart adjusts in knowing new people later…if that
is the reason you don’t want to grow to know me, time to fly like a falcon and
chase another brainless fish you want to steal money from.
All
because I look a certain way makes people assume the worst of me not knowing
the only weapon I have is a sharp left eye and a cell phone that chronicles my
days when I’m on my off days…people who think you know me back of my back like
nameless people thinking they are so sly on twitter posting tweets of me
thinking that I faked an injury to just receiving unwanted attention…you don’t
know what my mind is filled with in a daily basis, I’m different.
I’m
not an Ogre like Shrek; don’t shut me down before you know me
Being
different isn’t a crime…not having fun is a crime
Hanging
Chad
A
former significant other who only says what he/she feels about you by silence
should not have a hold on your life.
My
former significant other changes her picture and leaves me hanging online, that
is a sign she never want to see me again…Like a Hanging Chad in the Al Gore vs.
George Bush presidential race in 2000 which was a long time ago.
LeBron
James left the Cleveland Cavaliers in the dark because he wanted to win. He
didn’t intend to leave team in the dark; it just turned out that way. Regardless
to sports or relationships, if you’re going to break-up with someone tell them
upfront and not use a computer to hide yourself from that person.
My ex
left me in the dark like LeBron did. At least he wanted to win; she runs every
time I try to talk to her.
Top
hiding from me as the computer is your friend, it’s not
You
met me from a fried from my childhood, if you found a better guy let me know
and I’ll tak to you much less
I’m
already living the crack of a bus being side swiped in the brutal cold when the
key to my heart moved away and hid away like a child scared of monsters in the
bed which was her mother…the crap is old and spineless.
I
already know how the game will end up and I’ll be the lonely worm waiting for a
raven to eat me…sounds gross, but any attention I can get is better than
knowing someone really want to tell me something my heart needs to hear but
feel heartbroken like a broken computer that works but needs batteries to start
up again.
Keep it in the Closet
I hate the speeches that people in my community keep saying
white people see race and we don’t. How you cannot see race when the president
is black, Derek Jeter in spite having a white mom is automatically black for
some people nigger comes of the tongue like Keyshawn Johnson accusing Wayne
Chrebet being Bill Parcells teacher’s pet.
Turning down light chocolate to dark chocolate women that had
shades of butterscotch to mahogany make a man cruel to look at himself in the
mirror that has the words ‘I am Racist” all over the forehead as guilt sweats
behind the ears. Women that didn’t give
a flying fuck of pigs humping in the sky are what you crave like a white castle
SLIDER AND ALWAYS FEELING CHEATED WHEN KNOOWING YOUR DESIRES WASN’T WORTH IT.
then get fooled around by trying to meet people on the net who will meet my
standard regardless that I tell people I’m looking for someone form the inner
surface of personality but always ended up lying through my words like Kasich
and only see the skin and the chocolate hair that leaves my mind hungry and my
heart feeling steamed out like a broken down metro bus waiting to be towed
away.
Always advocating for black women’s safety is as hollow as the
NFl owners hoarding money to protect hem form the strike and don’t give a rats
ass about football players safety and well being is the life I end up showing
how bigoted I really am toward people especially my own people
Ignorance toward my people has made me feel like a dog and a
misogynist in a whole different level, instead of trying not to live up t all
rappers mentality toward everyday sexual desires, I got warped by my rappers
past and dream of someone to be a jerk and then being misogynist to all other
type of women who are butterscotch and not my own, I sold myself to the devil
and evil that lurks for “want to be black men” always living up to the model
that haunts me since elementary school am I black enough? If I weren’t such a bigot I would be making
dinner for two or four than always having to like inside my closet where my old
DVR sitting wasting -away as dust piles up.
Old
Man Winter
Old
Man Winter… Old Man Winter where are you old man winter?
Old
Man Winter… Old Man Winter I want to walk into the freezing temperatures
instead I’ll have to settle for cold ice cream in doors.
Old
Man Winter… Old Man Winter is the time to snuggle with a significant other in
the snow, not holding each other’s company in the sun as the grass dries up in
early summer wondering why isn’t the temperatures cold enough to bring white
death under my feet.
Old
Man Winter… Old Man Winter I expected to wear at least 3 layers of clothing,
not two layers of clothing I would wear in the fall as leaves blow into the
wind on a sidewalk on a narrowly winding road Mr. Old Man Winter.
Old
Man Winter…Old Man Winter Seeing my breath breathing hard trying like a linebacker
trying to smash a quarterback in the ground of grassy iced football field
instead my head becomes hot like a fried egg in a 40 degree day makes me go
into my dresser and wear shorts
Old
Man Winter… Old Man Winter I don’t want to get sick after coming down with
bronchitis and make myself chicken noodle soup while feeling dizzy having
Vick’s vapor rub to sooth my throat but the season of winter is the normal here
in Ohio but this is winter and feeling ill is what I expect but I tale feeling
chilly while eating hot chili any day of the week as long the snow from Mr. Old
Man Winter comes and give me frostbite in my hands.
Old
Man Winter… Old Man Winter Yes I love winter because I have so much sexual
energy to leap like a squirrel and roar like a polar bear but this warm weather
is enough to keep me indoors and dream of snow coming in my sleep and call Mr.
Sandman until the snow comes through my front door like Santa Claus.
Passion
Water…water. The essence of life as a human being on
planet earth
Earth
is 71 percent water, any place that doesn’t have any land while feeling
stranded like Tom Hanks did in Cast Away I’ll have to swim away or find a boat
to keep safe while an approaching storm approaches.
Water…water. Water keeps my skin from feeling thirsty
after a salty dog sweaty afternoon in the shower.
Water
is like feathers for a bird, without them all birds would be bald like Corey
Gaines’ head. Anything and everything has
an attachment in some way.
Onion
has layer after layers to reach the core, but takes a lot of restraint from
crying your eyes out like a leaky sink faset while using a knife to chop and
slice
Wheels
is to a car or a bus heading down the road, can’t pretend that I’m Barney
Rubble trying to paddle these vehicles by feet, think I’m the track star
Maurice Greene…oh please help me my feet are on fire and need water.
Water…water. Water freezes and turns into snow and leave
my hands frostbitten like a bag of tilapia left exposed to freezing burns while
waiting for a bus to take me to work.
I ‘m
searching for any woman who shares the same shaped glass of loneliness as I
share. Water keeps me calm from anxiety
while most people in the party are drinking beer.
Water…Water. When I’m not hug by a fellow person who was
made out of the same element H2O just like me I have a glass of water to keep
me calm while feeling angry about life that drags me down.
Water…water. Women and men are all the same when water is
involved in the creation from water. One
glass of water deserves another when attraction to a particular glass or
crispness of how it taste bring the attracted person to want water….I wonder
sometimes would my glass of water would attract any woman to see that I’m
nothing more desirable than any puddle on a rocky pavement longing for
attention.
This
puddle needs more refills of water, and hope to find someone who has the same
glass of water just like me. I have
passion as water does even though it has no color, but is the foundation for
everything; I have a glass of water that wants to share the same shaped glass
with anyone who wants to share with me.
If not at least I can swim away loneliness in the water and let the
waves guide me to the next ocean.
Pillow
Fingers
I
see you…I want to see you and I really want to show you that I’m here longing
for a special person to hold on to my pillow fingers
Your
smile makes me red like Charlie Brown does when he sees that Red Haired girl he
always long to see but never had the heart to talk to her
My
eyes say your dimples make me want to pinch your face with my pillow fingers
you’re your grandmother does and say, “Oohh…you are so scrumptious I could eat
you up.”
Seeing
you make my heart sing some love songs deep inside that I couldn’t do with
anyone else until I met you…you thought I was special.
I
never thought I would be special to anyone, especially a woman who wants to
date me.
Your
jokes and lively spirit is just too hard for my heart to ignore when I really
want to hold your fingers which feels like a pillow…but my heart is nervous of
tripping up on a stray power line and electrocuting myself by making a mistake.
I’m
not supposed to think of a person in my distant past, but you remind me of a
friend I really like…she had dark hair which was cut short, shares the zodiac
sign of the bull as you do and for any kid who made fun of me, she stood up for
me until she moved away.
My
eyes say you are very lovely…with your key to my heart as very few people were
able to reach me from living in my head as you do as I’m holding you pillow
fingers.
My
eyes tell me you have beautiful dark brown eyes
My
eyes says you have dark long curly hair that you straighten to impress your
girlfriends…I love straight hair too, but most people in the world have curly
hair as you and I do so I shouldn’t care.
My
eyes say that you have broad shoulders…My shoulders are as broad like Pittsburgh
Steelers running back Jerome Bettis.
My
eyes say you have meaty calves…well I have big handsome calves myself so I can
laugh about it.
My
heart says you have a slender body but have a big heart to see a man I’m trying
to be My eyes says you have a nice butt,
your eyes says my but is bigger than yours as your pillow fingers want to play
hand flirting.
My
eyes says I don’t have an attracted chest…but you still want to be with me as I
crave kissing and caressing you cinnamon bun sized firm juicy breasts after as
I hold your pillow fingers longing for you to open up your peach yogurt like
vagina to me as you unzip your pants and I unzip mine longing to make sweet and
sour rough love to you as I hold your beautiful face as you lay on to your
pillow.
You
care for me like a baby sometimes, you love me in spite my disability and that
is the love that I should have been seeking instead of getting lost in fashion
trends on US weekly magazine getting lost in finding a woman who wants to hold
my pillow fingers.
My
eyes says stop seeing the world as a fantasy and understand that all in the
women on Earth and only one person opened the key to experience real love and
that woman is you…I want to hold your pillow fingers on my hand for the
duration of my life as the shot clock of life expires every second as I yearn
to hold on to your pillow fingers and making love to you again because I love
you. .
Pop that Bubblegum music already
Why do I feel like a teenager and I’m considered to be old at
age...don’t remember right now because I’m chewing gum too loud?
In a relationship like that I didn’t have to take any
responsibility when something goes wrong and the girl makes up all the rules
and plans in the relationship…not the same relationship a bubblegum has for a
tongue
Adults in relationship talk about many things, love, sex, and
money and making decisions without looking back like a pack of gum waiting to
be bought
The younger the woman the less responsibility, the older the
woman the more grown up I have to be in managing emotions and the prospect of
having sex with someone and have her kick my ass a few times to make my own
decisions without always analyzing every angle...at least a bubblegum isn’t
alive to make those decisions
The younger the woman is, the most likely the feelings of being
in a teenage like relationship like in a fairy tale seems to heal my mind,
while being blinded by guilt and shame the older the woman is and wishing
secretly when will a younger woman come for me to make me feel better about how
the world views me like a box full of Bazooka bubblegum.
How can I be viewed as a man and my head doesn’t feel like it…My
head has been in a time warp to repeat every piece in a relationship to make me
feel small to a young girl since I have an inferiority complex when real women
try to talk to me...feeling like a bubble gum waiting to get popped into
reality
I can try to talk for a long time to a girl, I can tell how long
she wants to talk…I try to talk to real women, but I feel scared to the point I
try too hard and burn myself out with anxiety, stomach pains and revert to a
small boy from the inside as the bubble of freight popped from the inside out.
Why do I want to be treated small and stuck having daydreams of
small things like holding hands and hoping to be kissed like someone from my
past after she chews up her mint gum?
Why hanging out with a girl for only 3 hours a week and texting
is more appealing than dating a real woman seeing her maybe 3 times a week and
talk on the phone for a few minutes….a normal man who is a grown up can’t
handle that as long as a wad of gum sticks in hard pavement waiting to land on
a bottom of a dirty boot. I can only
handle that after the girl leaves and the real woman sees nothing when they see
me except having a hole on my head. ..Feeling like a pop up video what the
bubblegum missed.
Sports give me pleasure because I’ve been watching sports for so
long…traveling by Metro buses too as I grind on a piece of bubblegum to keep me
calm.
I used both of them to hide the deep sadness wondering sometimes
how my life would be if I took the initiative to act like an adult and not
think like a scared boy of happiness and success thinking feeling like a
teenager is okay to be a new song that teens relate to as adults cringe with
annoyance.
Developing self worth so a real woman sees that I’m worthy is
the key…and stop acting younger than I am because a girl is very young when I
daydream of hearing a bubblegum song popping on the radio.
Rain
on my mind
One
day…waking up to live at least one new event is what you hope for
One
day…minding one’s business locking the door leaving the house as dogs bark as
they see red horns
One
day…Finding out a small inconvenience turns into a small problem
One
day…A bus driver stops to take a 5 minute break raking with speed leaving the
bus on neutral as the bell was ringing below his thighs which told him to park
the bus and ran into a Taco Bell as I was feeling a tick below my thighs as
time seem to leave me as the rain outside my window on the bus wouldn’t end
One
day…I was contemplating leaving the bus to give me the beast chance to relief
myself not in the dungeon of a bus but the white walls of my bedroom as I was
holding out crazy hope to link from one bus to the other to get home only made
me feel like a plum frying for months on a seat on the bus turns into a smelly
prune
The
driver came back to start the bus as the time to link to the next bus was a
dire as Prince realizing his high heels killed his knees little did I know what
he felt as one lapse of judgment deserves another as the driver on the bus I
was on was honking to alert the linking bus in front of it.
I
launched myself out of the first bus and tried to met the linking bus half way
through the intersection across the street of Chipotle then I ran like Michael
Johnson sprinting for gold giving myself a chance to catch the bus until I trip
on the sidewalk on Martin Luther King drive and I drove my knee on the sidewalk
and the right side of my body from the weight of my book bag felt like Lawrence
Taylor dragging me from my head which left my whole right side along with my
knee bloody along with my elbow and my hip as my head was dizzy and my right
side was a numb as my fingers feel when I bathe too long as the linking bus was
long gone as my screams and grunts only Maria Sharapova could love became
louder and louder as I leaned near an apartment fence on that one day.
I
called my mother to tell her I missed the bus linking across the street of Chipotle
but I felt pokes from my inner bird telling me not to tell the circumstances
but I did as the pain in the rain only worsened.
I
limped up through Martin Luther King Drive on a slippery climb as the hill was
going up, down and up again like Nasdaq stock as my normal walk through in the
rain normally was 15 minutes turned into 35 minutes feeling like Corey Gaines
does when Diana Taurasi and Candace Dupree don’t score fast enough as more
tears were trying to come out of my eyes and more blood was dripping from my
shoes as the next bus was on time near University of Cincinnati as the transfer
was still dry enough for the driver of this bus to take it as I struggled
getting up the stairs and struggled to take my seat as the bus took me home. I took a long salty sweaty shower but the
pain was so hard to bare as my body felt like it was being hit by 1000 bees
trying to beat me up like my niece’s boyfriend who boxes for a living on that
one day.
Couldn’t
even take off my pants unless I was sitting on the bathroom toilet but I was
determined to go out to by laundry detergent.
My mother told me no way, but I didn’t listen, I wanted to feel like a
Stanley Cup champion to wrap up my knee and arms with toilet paper to go out
once more the more I walked to the bus stop which was only seconds away in
normal conditions turned into a 4 minute nightmare walking with an anvil for a
leg
I felt
like a zombie fro the Thriller video as I couldn’t push up or stand with my
cart as I hopped around the store with one leg.
I shouldn’t have been out in the first place sine not long after I
departed from the bus the second time around I left my glasses on the bus and
had to run and skip on one leg crossing the street. I bought the detergent and groceries and the
agony from getting off the last bus ride which took one hour to sit in pain
will turn out to be another painful ride back into the rain as my knee felt
like a rotator cuff on the bus was going to leave me on that one day
One
day changes people for the better or for the worst as my knee pain from a
dislocated knee cap and cartilage tear still exist as I wish to get my knee
back but that one rainy day was one of the worst days of my rainy life.
What
do I see in my seed?
I see
a world of uniqueness in all people, seeds of social construction regardless of
race, class and age is listed covering the seed up.
I see
a judgmental world based on levels of intelligence or lack of it regardless of
seed.
I see
a big seed in small world that seems to get bigger which seems as big as the
titanic.
I
don’t have a seed of hope relating to people of the opposite sex, not a dark
seed similar to the Sailor Moon pure heart days which turns into an evil plant,
but the seed of loneliness and abnormality.
The
seed of loneliness is attached to the seed of a world that has no one that have
a similar world like yours.
I see
myself as just like another blob walking down the street like anyone else,
people who come across me see nothingness or a naivety
The
seed makes plants and people different, looking for a person that has the same
seed as I do.
I have
been isolated because my seed says I have a first aid sign on it because I have
a disability. I’m trying to become as close to a normal man but many people
especially women since reaching adulthood measure me like I was LeBron James or
Tom Brady, move on to the next guy feeling like a branch waiting to be fed by
water. That guy doesn’t satisfy their
needs and come back asking for me. I
have a disability that people can’t see unless I act out, all because I might
be slow on social issues like love doesn’t make me less of a man or an idiot.
I
really haven’t met a girl with the same disability see since she move away when
I was nine years old.
I have
tried to relate to people who don’t have the same seed as I do, but most of my
friends I had didn’t have the seed as girls who grow into women don’t had the
seed either.
Women
tried to date me, but I really didn’t feel comfortable trying to make a
relationship work with a person who might understand my seed, but can’t live or
see the struggles I have relating to my disability.
I
accepted my seed regarding my disability but the world is slow to catch up to
people like me living with adult Autism.
Granted there aren’t too many people with my seed talking, trying to
love and trying to live somewhat independent life.
Makes
me feel really sad that I feel completely alone and lonely as many people with
my seed are around here but I don’t know anyone with my disability.
I want
to find a person who has the same disability or has some connection with Autism
in some way to understand I do have my weaknesses and still developing,
penalize me because I did something bad, not my disability
Buses,
sports, Art makes me human, Autism is the seed that I was given and I want to
find A woman who doesn’t necessarily like the things I do, but lives or
understand the seed I was given and I’ll give this lucky person love that she
might have never experienced with a person who has her seed.
Autism
seed won’t leave me even in death, but I want a chance to create a plant in the
world and I can have help to raise him or her on my own as my seed of
loneliness slowly disappears and have the happy seed I had when my childhood
friend moved away long ago and kept trying to grow a love seed for someone else
to water me down and sprout out like a cabbage but ended up a ripened tomato
which rotted that other people forgotten about.
The
seed is like the brain that helps the core grow to become the fruit as the
branch hopes to be attached to other seeds are left alone in the wind as winter
cold arrives…the plant is the child I hope to create with a woman who has the
same seed as I do, fed up felling sad and lonely. I hold onto hope to find her
and have love I never had before.
The
day I felt like King Arthur.
I was
searching for a right handed sword to compliment my left handed sword would
give me the power to defeat any foe like Talpa in the earthy feel of the forest
like Robin Hood.
The
spirit of the will to fight was within but the sword seemed to have a dip below
the handle from a long battle
The
sword broke at the spot after minutes of battle made me feel blue like the Blue
Guys and having to search for another sword…wondering if I could find a sword
strong enough to help me when another fight comes to me
I met
off with a blacksmith who would fix my sword…it was fixed like a modern knife,
but the bill had me feeling like I was chocking on a chicken drumstick
The
next fight took me far from the depths of the forest to the inner smog of the
city as people were running in fear of the unknown was coming…I was fully ready
until the blacksmith warned me by pager that the tip of the knife was dull and
can’t take up too much power…but I learned that fact long after another fight
started
Agility,
skill and finesse helped me win this grueling battle with another warlord but
like the first sword I had not only broke at the middle, but both swords this
time were shattered to pieces as I looked with gasp, what can I do have a knife
inserted in my wrist like Wolverine to fight…funny but no
Off to
see the blacksmith and hopefully I can get a refund for the shattered sword has
me wondering are my “saving the day” days are coming to a shattered end?
Trading
Places
Trading
the feelings of pain of losing a game 7 is like trading my face as a traitor to
my race
Thousands
of people have LeBron James shade, Carmelo Anthony shade and everyone else in
between who transcend life and sports why can’t I trade my life. Pain is like rain, when it pours on the muddy
ground tends to flood out basements and welcome the misery to my open arms
fighting for a rebound while the official in my head tells me that I was called
for a loose ball foul and was disqualified out of the game of life. Wondering if I weren’t in my skin scoring
goals like Sidney Crosby would I be paranoid of everyone else lives. The money I earned will be seen by other people
that because of my skin I bought my way to success which allows lovesick women
fall in love with the idea of dating a guy who looks like Phil Ivey, Black and
Latino friends get jealous of me because I can have any women of every color if
I wanted to.
My new
color would allow to play my hand save and work for my money as no one can
accuse me of acting white like Eminem because I’m white, the devil race as
blacks would try to bomb me because I said something smart about Will
Smith. I tell them, fuck you, I’m in
allegiance with Rob Portman, I f you want money to live off of like me, get
your asses of welfare and stop blaming whites like me of spending your tax
dollars and hope you slackers even try to get a degree to catch up with the
mortgage of your houses, food stamps don’t fly into our wallets and budgets
like yours. Stars like James and Carmelo
don’t need to be another color to make dollars, but would more appealing to
whites like me who feel like the only hick in the room trying to play this
black sport, if I dated a woman while being in the league she would say” why
are you playing in a sport where there’s nobody who looks like you Honey.”
Have
to tell her, I trade my life to get rid of these people by dictating their way
of living, since I’m white; I’m a dead loser walking like Steve Moore being
blasted by Todd Bertuzzi from behind by these tall men who makes my parents
afraid for my life on the court. I
should have stick to politics, it’s much safer to make legislations in front of
people who don’t like me and all Asian women I could have would be enslaved by
my Dirk Diggler persona getting it on Boogie Nights style.
Trading
reality, I’m black, so I will always be owned by all other blacks and whites
especially in the life of the worthless.
Worm
in the spring
A worm
springing out of bed and smelling the air of birds chirping and dogs barking at
bugs means spring is here outside his window
Springing
out of bed while losing an hour of sleep on Daylight Savings time and on the
following Sunday making pancakes for the family
Skipping
on drowning the pancakes in syrup and having to keep yourself awake with a cup
of coffee means that spring is here.
Putting
long john’s away like I was Long John Silver searching for loot feeling wet in
the sea wearing jeans as I try to grab as many pairs of shorts lying around in
a laundry pamper of 1 year worth of dirty clothes and having to show off my
legs like a super model wearing shorts is a sign of Spring has ruined my sense
of style.
Feeling
sick from bronchitis or the flu keeps me feeling dead in the bed of winter as
the only way I can get sick in spring is the pollen count and might have tko
feelings of being dehydrated.
Opossums
getting road killed on Glenway Avenue when the sun rises from the cold winter when
raccoons were killed on the same roadway when snow turns into icy slush as the
worm on the side of the road hopes not to be next.
Love
is in the air for people who live like bees making honey from spending time
with a sunflower as many people have the buzzing feeling in their heart as dead
trees give way to unpatrolled beauty as the worm feels jealous.
Cutting
the wet grass as children get creped by caterpillars and creepy crawlies crawl
through wet grass as we walk or run through the years and squashing them under
our shoe without warning
Feeling
like the worm trying to sliver to find a new home in a new batch of mud so I
could feel like a gummy worm feeling cool swimming in a mud pie desert feels so
much better than feeling hot trying to escaped hot dirt trying to swim trying
to find cold water but instead I get lifted airborne and eaten by a Cardinal
and become fed to the hatching birds in her nest is another sign spring is
here.
Spring
has arrived and now I have to clean out my room before Spiders and other
insects get any ideas of sneaking in uninvited to my house thinking this is
early summer as in the winter all of them were hibernating from the dreary cold
of winter like bears do. As the worm misses out on life …bare everything from
winter to baring almost nothing at all as.
Speaking of tracks, Victoria Justice's debut album "Gold" dropped today. Probably wondering did I Photoshop a picture of her for the occasion...nope. Although I do have one Photoshopped with Sorta coach 1224. The photo of the bus was taken in April 6 2013, the Photoshopping of VJ took place one month later.
.jpg) |
| Sorta coach 1224 at the Center of Cincinnati Mall layover in bright sun on April 6, 2013. |
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg){kind=spacer}
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
