Love as an Autistic Man.

This is a poem I wrote yesterday.

The Seed

I see a world of uniqueness in all people, seeds of social construction regardless of race, class and age is listed covering the seed up.

I see a judgmental world based on levels of intelligence or lack of it regardless of seed.

I see a big seed in small world that seems to get bigger which seems as big as the titanic.

I don’t have a seed of hope relating to people of the opposite sex, not a dark seed similar to the Sailor Moon pure heart days which turns into an evil plant, but the seed of loneliness and abnormality.

The seed of loneliness is attached to the seed of a world that has no one that have a similar world like yours.

I see myself as just like another blob walking down the street like anyone else, people who come across me see nothingness or a naivety

The seed makes plants and people different, looking for a person that has the same seed as I do.

I have been isolated because my seed says I have a first aid sign on it because I have a disability. I’m trying to become as close to a normal man but many people especially women since reaching adulthood measure me like I was LeBron James or Tom Brady, move on to the next guy feeling like a branch waiting to be fed by water.  That guy doesn’t satisfy their needs and come back asking for me.  I have a disability that people can’t see unless I act out, all because I might be slow on social issues like love doesn’t make me less of a man or an idiot.

I really haven’t met a girl with the same disability see since she move away when I was nine years old.

I have tried to relate to people who don’t have the same seed as I do, but most of my friends I had didn’t have the seed as girls who grow into women don’t had the seed either.

Women tried to date me, but I really didn’t feel comfortable trying to make a relationship work with a person who might understand my seed, but can’t live or see the struggles I have relating to my disability.

I accepted my seed regarding my disability but the world is slow to catch up to people like me living with adult Autism.  Granted there aren’t too many people with my seed talking, trying to love and trying to live somewhat independent life.

Makes me feel really sad that I feel completely alone and lonely as many people with my seed are around here but I don’t know anyone with my disability.

I want to find a person who has the same disability or has some connection with Autism in some way to understand I do have my weaknesses and still developing, penalize me because I did something bad, not my disability

Buses, sports, Art makes me human, Autism is the seed that I was given and I want to find A woman who doesn’t necessarily like the things I do, but lives or understand the seed I was given and I’ll give this lucky person love that she might have never experienced with a person who has her seed.

Autism seed won’t leave me even in death, but I want a chance to create a plant in the world and I can have help to raise him or her on my own as my seed of loneliness slowly disappears and have the happy seed I had when my childhood friend moved away long ago and kept trying to grow a love seed for someone else to water me down and sprout out like a cabbage but ended up a ripened tomato which rotted that other people forgotten about.

The seed is like the brain that helps the core grow to become the fruit as the branch hopes to be attached to other seeds are left alone in the wind as winter cold arrives…the plant is the child I hope to create with a woman who has the same seed as I do, fed up felling sad and lonely. I hold onto hope to find her and have love I never had before.  

My Strong Opinion

Here is a link that should help fellow readers who know someone who is an Autistic adult regardless of how young or how old.

I don't understand why does the medical and media worlds talk about the struggles that children are living with Autism and don't really talk about the adults living with Autism as I do.

Love and Autism adulthood.

Here are my photos from the last few days. 

Sorta coach 9049 at Fairview Loop on Tuesday January 31, 2012.

New bus Sorta 1201.  Coach was purchased by Metro in January 2012.  Gillig built this bus.  Coach is sitting near Center of Cincinnati Mall layover yesterday on February 1, 2012. 

Sorta coach 2135, I absolutely hate was sitting shut-off near Center of Cincinnati Mall layover today as Route 4 Ridge Road today.

Sorta coach 946 in the rain as Route 4 earlier this year.  I took this coach on Route 51 earlier today to arrive at Center of Cincinnati Mall.