Slim Shady years coming to an end

I was a very young guy who learned what racist was like growing up in a majority white neighborhood at the time of West Price Hill.  At that time I was isolated from meeting new people due to my behavior and temper-tantrums but also having to please people that wouldn’t care for me at any time in my life.  This allowed me to treat people who were just like me wrong and took them for granted…not realizing how important the people who really cared for me until the people were long gone.  I was very young; I didn’t understand how to be social with people who wanted to spend time.  From then on in, I did everything I could to over-analyze everything and lean to self sabotage good things became almost the norm for me. 

For example…A third of white girls and women I liked from when I was 10 up to being college age happened to be Jewish.  There were other girls to, but mainly black girls and Jewish girls tried to hang out with me.  I was a camper at Stepping Stones Center camp for disabilities from 1988 (I was almost 4 then) up to 1995 (when I was almost 11) I developed 2 crushes during the summer of 1995.  The first crush was on a fellow camper who was wheelchair bound with Cerebral Palsy and the other one was a volunteer named Lauren (photo of her and I is below blog) who I bonded with rather quickly because I made the girl in the wheelchair special and thought I had a warm loving heart…which I still do have. 

After being picked on by 3 boys in particular I stopped going to Stepping Stones during the summer months was one of the hardest decisions I had to live with.  My mother reminded me about the friends I would have left behind but at that time I really didn’t care. During the years 1994-96 I developed a crush on now former talk show host Ricki Lake.  Her talk show was one of the many outlets I used to get into news in a very young age…I’m not a girl, but I watched anyway. I also developed a crushes on Fran Drescher, Selma Blair and Neve Campbell back then too. Fran’s nauseating laugh on “The Nanny” was funny and nauseating I couldn’t help to blush red and laugh with conflicted emotions of how bad she sounds. Selma was very cool in her roles in the movie “Legally Blonde.” Neve in the mid 1990’s was a heartthrob for me when she stared in “Party of Five and the “Scream” movies.

Years went by and I was beginning to listen to Eminem and Ice Cube as a fan even though my second oldest brother warned me to stop listening to Eminem as my sister warned me not to listen to Ice Cube but I didn’t listen. The more rap I listened the more bitter I felt like Limburger cheese and insecurities and society’s problems were weighting on me, especially when there was a long time friend who happened to be Jewish had all the interest to be with me since her crush was elevating to new highs until too many fights and temper tantrums broke her heart and chance for romance with her died in Jacobs Center middle school.

I really had no idea how I fallen until it took me months of begging into my knees for forgiveness.  She accepted my apology after months of self inflicted sorrow, but still didn’t change the fact I lost a true friend at that time, lost possible love too. Since I was black and chances of mating with White girls who happened to be Jewish with dark hair was out of the question so I lust over white girls who weren’t Jewish sometimes and Asian girls all the time because of their long dark hair and eyes too… (If you read the Scramble blog entry you might know the reasons already) 

To pass the time I listed to Eminem, DMX and other rappers while daydreaming of many fights that were notable on "Dragon Ball Z" and watch anime cartoons like "Sailor Moon" and "Ronin Warriors" so I didn’t really think about girls too much until 2001.  I met a fellow Stepping Stone volunteer a white girl who happened to be Jewish who was a soccer star to be in Walnut Hills high school was very nice to me and was given me advice of how to understand disabled children like me better. Then in the following year I met another Jewish girl while at Hughes high school, she was cool, polite but very conservative. She was transferred to another school before I could get intimately involved but it was nice while it lasted. 

Years later while attending school at University of Cincinnati I was in a very tough spot just like I was when I was younger as most of my friends were either Black or Jewish.  I studied issues of race and dating outside  religions in my free time when I wasn’t in Women’s Studies classes or sociology classes to give the right idea of how to relate to other people not like me.  I was so affected by news reports and researching numbers in who does what affected how friendly or unfriendly and guarded I was trying to be careful not to hurt anyone but still ended hurting myself by not developing friendships.  

I met a friend who happened to be a Jewish girl who grew to like enough from 2003-05 to keep an eye on me and made sure I was okay.  By the time I started to like her I only wanted her as a friend, and by the time I found out she really like me too much time passed on trying to get close to her.  Yes I did have a crush on her, but I wasn’t over a brake up with a White girl who wasn’t Jewish in 2003 that I had to break up with because her family didn’t like Black people…I have had crushes on notable Jewish women since then (when I wasn’t hooked on Asian women as compensation) were Sarah Silverman, Debra Messing, Sue Bird, Stacy London and Shay Doran among others (I didn’t know at the time they were.)  If a white woman I might date has dark eyes and dark hair and so she happens to be Jewish too shouldn't feel like its the end of my world.

All because some rappers like Eminem and Ice Cube thinks being anti-Semitic is okay and some of religious issues regarding some people who share the Judaic faith doesn’t mean that I have to black ball everyone who happens to be born in the faith.  I’ve already hurt myself because of research I’ve done and letting society tell me what to do when it comes to friendship and love.  2012 is coming and I want to enjoy the last weeks of 2011 and not hum anymore Eminem and Ice Cube songs in the shower.  The rap persona I try to show off for years has left me shy, cautions and ill-tempered is getting very old. 

 

Freedom Center Underground Railroad museum. I took photo of museum in November 2011.  Reminds me to be free to have freedom of expression and be happy.

Sorta coach 2135 as Route 4 Ridge Road.  Bus was sitting at Crossroads Community mega church layover for final time in 2011 due to Cincinnati Milacron factory was being demolished across the street in November 2011.

 

Sorta coach 4018 as Route 39 Western Hills-Uptown in early October 2011.

Lauren and I in 1995 at Camp Stepping Stones a long time ago.

Walking the Bridge

Today was a cold blistery day walking close to the University of Cincinnati campus to take pics of Sorta coach 6012 that was driven as Route 51 Clifton-Hyde Park Crosstown.  I stayed on the bus since another bus I would have taken pictures of was driven by a bus driver I don't know and might not be receptive of me taking photos.  The walk through Clifton neighborhood was wet and dreary but I wasn't the least bit tired up to seeing the Ludlow Street viaduct bridge. 
I walked later onto the Ludlow Street Viaduct bridge.  The fear of the bridge was deepening because I walked up the same bridge with I-75 and railroad tracks just below. 
My mind was on "Under the Bridge" song from 1991 by rock & roll hall of fame inductees in 2012 Red Hot Chili Peppers while waking the bridge head down slightly so I can keep a level head as trucks and cars are rolling past me.  Walking the bridge was a success in the cold, but I still wonder where did I lose my nice looking scarf which matches my hat one month ago.  Here are my photos of the day.

One Shot Tattoo shop photo I took when the sun was out last Friday at Western Hills.

Found half of a pumpkin at Marburg Avenue in Oakley neighborhood on December 8, 2011

Sorta coach 6012 freezing in the cold at Center of Cincinnati Mall today.

Plaque at Clifton and Ludlow Avenues commemorating Mary Ellen Heintz.

Ludlow Avenue Viaduct bridge as I was walking into Northside neighborhood.

Fishing Hooks in the snow.

Today is the 70th anniversary of the Pearl Harbor bombings.  My late grandmother, bless her soul was 16 at the time of the horrific launch of bombs from the Japanese which brought America into World War II.  She died from Lung Cancer 2 weeks before here birthday on October 13, 2003.  At that time, watching the Florida Marlins run throughout the MLB season by her bedside at the hospital took my mind away from the sadness.  Marlins ended up winning the World Series 4-2 verses the New York Yankees on what would have been my grandmother's birthday on October 27th.  Marlins have been hooked in mediocrity since then.
Speaking of the Marlins, today team management has given up chances to lure Albert Pujols out of St. Louis.   Marlins did get pitching help with signing former Chicago White Sox ace pitcher Mark Buehrle...nice move by Ozzie Guillen who manage Buehrle with the White Sox.  Buehrle threw 2 no hitters in 12 year career as a starting pitcher.  I'm still amazed how much different the Marlins are with the new ballpark.  Today was wet with snow around in every turn as keeping warm was a bit challenging.  Here are the photos of the day.

Sorta coach 2129 sitting at Center of Cincinnati Mall as flurries are swirling around.

Sorta coach 9040 sitting at Center of Cincinnati Mall in the cold as the flurries stopped

Train rolling on the tracks on Reading Road in Reading, Ohio.  My 3 year old nephew loves trains, makes him think of Thomas the Tank Engine.

Rain go away in 2012

Another day filled with rain
2011 seemed to be the year that it rained almost every 4 days in a week.
Rain has given puddles a new meaning in front lawn of my neighbors house...this is ridiculous
The bus 2130 was running in the rain today.  The fog was so dense between 1-4 pm was weird to see or walk through the streets like "The Hound of the Baskerville."
I found a photo I took in the snow on yesterday's date last year...and yes it is coach 2130, ugh!  At least at this time last year the anticipation of Cam Newton and Auburn University playing in the BCS championship against Oregon was a thrill just like now awaiting Alabama and Louisiana State settle the SEC slugfest in BCS Championship game. I hope 2012 won't be as wet or ground saturated unlike this year has been.  I love the cold weather but at this time next week I'll complain and wished summer would come fast enough...stop complaining.
Tonight I'm watching one of my NFL teams I monitor as a casual fan the Jacksonville Jaguars (not a diehard fan like I am as a Philadelphia Eagles fan) are hosting the San Diego Chargers.  Jaguars are in full rebuilding mode after the former owner fired coach Jack Del Rio as head coach last week.  The sale of the Jaguars is pending league approval.  Jaguars need to play hard and fix the problems of a young team trying to grow up in 2012 and be competitive in the AFC South division.
Here are photos I dug up on my flash drives...too wet to take photos today.

Foggy fall day in October is so similar to the washout of today.

Took this photo in August.  Summer seems so far away.

Took photo of Sorta coach 2130 in the snow on December 4th last year. At time of photo was the 2 year and 1 month anniversary of coach being wrapped with Metro's new look in November 2008.

MLB note of the day: The Miami Marlins signed Short Stop Jose Reyes to a 6 year for over $100 million.  As a Marlin fan since 1997 how did the "Fish-Heads" managed to hide money in their mattress like Mr. Krabs on "SpongeBob SquarePants?!"